I have those times, as we all do, when really, there are no words to say that can describe the pain of our heart, when there are no prayers you can pray that will ease the burden you bear. Yet, those are the times I know God is closest to me......He is listening to my heart without me having to say a word, He is catching my tears and seeing beyond what human eye can see. There are even times, I have asked, Oh God where are you, are you here with me now? Do you see what is going on in my life? Do you see how evil this world has become? Man, You created in Your own image, do You see how wicked and perverse he has become?
I may not "feel" He is with me but, I "KNOW" He is with me. I can't trust my feelings, my mood and my emotions, after all they change like the weather....sometimes a little more quickly than others....
http://youtu.be/ZWZI9KAUWak
I can't trust in what I see, I can't hope in the world around me, I can't place my faith in my emotions, My own relationship with Christ can not depend on the actions and lives of those around me.
Without Christ, I can't cope with the evil that surrounds me. I am one who won't read the news because, it leaves me feeling sick to my stomach....burdened. I can't attend a school event without my heart breaking, I look around the gym, more than one or two my heart and my eyes will be drawn to and I feel my eyes start tearing up and while they may never know, I pray for them. . There may never be another person in their life who loves them enough to do so. If I am alone I cry on the way home, and I hug my own kids a little tighter, and I pray that God protects them from the evil that surrounds them, that his angels watch over them when they are away from me.
There are different gifts God gives us, one I ask Him for is wisdom, discernment that in my heart I will know, the evil, the hypocrite, those that aren't trustworthy long before I am given a reason for it.
In the day we live, the church is the best place for Satan to hide. Then from the inside he can destroy us. What wounds us more? When we are hurt by a stranger, or when we are betrayed by a friend, brother/sister in Christ, that we trusted. The sad thing is that we are so quick to blame God in our hurt, to become bitter, to even hate God and anybody associated with Christ. Some never see that behind every bad church related experience, Satan was working. At times even true well meaning Christians become Satan's pawn, and be petty, rude, hateful, and just plain wrong, not only by man's standard but by God's standard. God's standard is very clear in
1 Corinthians 13 (if you want to read)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20corinthians%2013&version=KJV
Then there are those that are wolves among us, dressed in sheep clothing, even Christ had one He loved to betray Him
Mark 14:18
And as they sat and did eat, Jesus said, Verily I say unto you, One of you which eateth with me shall betray me.
Can you imagine what the God, the Father felt, to know that His creation, man, was going to torment, torture and crucify His only Son?! As long as I live I will never understand how God could love man so much that He would let His son die for them. I ask myself would I let my son die
for any of the best friends I have ever had and I love, for a person who hates me, for a person who hates my Son, NO!
For the addicts of this world, drugs, alcohol, sex, pornography, liars, gossipers, there are all kind of things to be addicted to this list could go on and on but NEVER would I let my Son die for any such as these!
Even harder still, For the rapist, murderer, child molester, physically, mentally and emotionally abusive people, parents who kill their own children, spouses that kill one another, Children that kill their parents, serial killers, people that just kill people for fun?!! A millions times no, I couldn't!
How could God love us so much He could stand by and watch the death and the betrayal of His son, yet He did.
It's not God that causes bad things to happen, He has given each of us free will, we can choose to serve Him or we choose to serve Satan, He will never force us to do anything. Just as I can choose to serve Him, so can the Sinner choose to serve Satan as their Master.
Innocent people suffer because of choices made in sin, some never had a choice, they were the victims.
I guess I have poured out my heart to ask that in your pain, You turn to God and not away, that you see the real enemy and instigator of your pain is Satan.
Tell God your hurt, if your the victim, the Sinner, the backslider, the one who was hurt by words, or actions of a person you trusted, no matter where you stand, His love is everlasting, his mercy endures for ever.
I am sorry this is so scattered and long today, but my heart is broken for those I love and the pain they are feeling.
Jamie
Friday, August 17, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
First Day of School and the last of my babies....
I don't have the energy and the time to write my heart tonight so I will just have to give you some highlights of the day.
First of all we were put in a school I had only heard bad things about, so I was freaking out all last week trying to get the principal of our old school to call me and see if it was a mistake. She never did so I finally got a hold of somebody who told me it was no mistake. So I, being me, you know, me who doesn't like change of plans without time to adjust to them, or not good surprises, whatever you want to call it....yeah.
So I went in to the NEW school on Friday and talked with the secretary who was EXTREMELY NICE, 1st. answer to prayer.
Came home told Jadyn who has a hard time with new schools and unexpected changed with unknown outcomes, like me. She kinda was upset just because she was nervous but was not to bad. 2nd answer to prayer.
Today -First day of school. What a relief when they came home! Jadyn LOVED it, said she is going back there next year and it felt like she was back in Ohio ( she loved her school in Moraine Meadows) she loved the SO NICE librarian, had NICE lunch aids, LOVES her NICE teacher....everything she can't wait till tomorrow. She made 3 friends which for Jadyn is another answer to prayer! I guess if you don't know what school has been like for her since we moved you wouldn't understand what a huge answer to prayer all this was. I pray that God blesses her the rest of the year with what He knows is best even when I didn't know He knew and worked it out for our good.
Ethan-First day of school, Kindergarten. I kept busy all day and even know I have so much I need to do before I can go to bed. He tried hard not to break down and cry, but kept taking both hands and wiping the tears away as if that would make him not cry. He did so good though, here is is commentary of the day.
Me: Ethan! did you like it? Ethan-puts head down and shakes no. Me: you didn't?! Did you like your teacher? was she nice? Ethan: No to both those too (he did like Mrs. Cain from church she is his class aid)...he is acting pitiful like he had the worst day of his life....
we live less than 4 mins from the school and before we got home he could no longer pretend that he hated school and was miserable so he became animated and here was the rush of his day,
He made a new friend, his name is Caleb Snake, there is a mean boy in class who has moles all over his face, no he has a million moles all over his body and he hit me with his hand....(I ask what Ethan did) "I HIT HIM BACK!" Another little boy had cuts all over his arms and he picked off his scabs and put it on me! ...(I appropriately freak out.....) had a hamburger for lunch, I am soooo tired, my feet hurt so bad, my back hurts I am wore out, I had to set on the floor all day, WE HAVE TWO PLAYGROUNDS!, I am so tired, I am hungry, I am thirsty, my feet hurt. Mom, do you know what to do if you need more friends? You just go up to somebody and say Hey, do you want to be my friend, cause that's what I did and he said yes and that is all you have to do to make a friend!
Cayden and Tre`- Loved it. Tre first year of middle school and he absolutely loves it. Ethan was wondering who the prettiest girl in the world was and Cayden told him he knew, I guess the prettiest girl in the world is, in all Cayden's classes, according to him.....think I need to check this one out! From Tre` I got, they have the best pizza in the world at school and He loved all his teachers and made soooo many new friends plus seen all his old friends.
Me: I did laundry......all day, no joke I still have another 2 loads to fold but I took a break to blog and read facebook, made peach Jam, was going to freeze salsa but have no jars so that will have to wait., cleaned out Ethan's drawers, organized his clothes....and still only marked one thing off my to do list and it was not even laundry it was a simple phone call.....sigh.....I missed them all day. I hugged Cayden and Tre` so tight when they got home.....Tre` just kinda stood there, I said well I guess you all didn't miss me like i missed you all!
So tomorrow is another day and it begins in 10 mins and i have yet to finish today so I better run.
I will tell you later about another prayer God answered for us today, I know these aren't big prayers or miracles to you but they are important to me and small as they were God heard them and took time to answer all these little worries that has tormented me for weeks now, and for that I am grateful.
First of all we were put in a school I had only heard bad things about, so I was freaking out all last week trying to get the principal of our old school to call me and see if it was a mistake. She never did so I finally got a hold of somebody who told me it was no mistake. So I, being me, you know, me who doesn't like change of plans without time to adjust to them, or not good surprises, whatever you want to call it....yeah.
So I went in to the NEW school on Friday and talked with the secretary who was EXTREMELY NICE, 1st. answer to prayer.
Came home told Jadyn who has a hard time with new schools and unexpected changed with unknown outcomes, like me. She kinda was upset just because she was nervous but was not to bad. 2nd answer to prayer.
Today -First day of school. What a relief when they came home! Jadyn LOVED it, said she is going back there next year and it felt like she was back in Ohio ( she loved her school in Moraine Meadows) she loved the SO NICE librarian, had NICE lunch aids, LOVES her NICE teacher....everything she can't wait till tomorrow. She made 3 friends which for Jadyn is another answer to prayer! I guess if you don't know what school has been like for her since we moved you wouldn't understand what a huge answer to prayer all this was. I pray that God blesses her the rest of the year with what He knows is best even when I didn't know He knew and worked it out for our good.
Ethan-First day of school, Kindergarten. I kept busy all day and even know I have so much I need to do before I can go to bed. He tried hard not to break down and cry, but kept taking both hands and wiping the tears away as if that would make him not cry. He did so good though, here is is commentary of the day.
Me: Ethan! did you like it? Ethan-puts head down and shakes no. Me: you didn't?! Did you like your teacher? was she nice? Ethan: No to both those too (he did like Mrs. Cain from church she is his class aid)...he is acting pitiful like he had the worst day of his life....
we live less than 4 mins from the school and before we got home he could no longer pretend that he hated school and was miserable so he became animated and here was the rush of his day,
He made a new friend, his name is Caleb Snake, there is a mean boy in class who has moles all over his face, no he has a million moles all over his body and he hit me with his hand....(I ask what Ethan did) "I HIT HIM BACK!" Another little boy had cuts all over his arms and he picked off his scabs and put it on me! ...(I appropriately freak out.....) had a hamburger for lunch, I am soooo tired, my feet hurt so bad, my back hurts I am wore out, I had to set on the floor all day, WE HAVE TWO PLAYGROUNDS!, I am so tired, I am hungry, I am thirsty, my feet hurt. Mom, do you know what to do if you need more friends? You just go up to somebody and say Hey, do you want to be my friend, cause that's what I did and he said yes and that is all you have to do to make a friend!
Cayden and Tre`- Loved it. Tre first year of middle school and he absolutely loves it. Ethan was wondering who the prettiest girl in the world was and Cayden told him he knew, I guess the prettiest girl in the world is, in all Cayden's classes, according to him.....think I need to check this one out! From Tre` I got, they have the best pizza in the world at school and He loved all his teachers and made soooo many new friends plus seen all his old friends.
Me: I did laundry......all day, no joke I still have another 2 loads to fold but I took a break to blog and read facebook, made peach Jam, was going to freeze salsa but have no jars so that will have to wait., cleaned out Ethan's drawers, organized his clothes....and still only marked one thing off my to do list and it was not even laundry it was a simple phone call.....sigh.....I missed them all day. I hugged Cayden and Tre` so tight when they got home.....Tre` just kinda stood there, I said well I guess you all didn't miss me like i missed you all!
So tomorrow is another day and it begins in 10 mins and i have yet to finish today so I better run.
I will tell you later about another prayer God answered for us today, I know these aren't big prayers or miracles to you but they are important to me and small as they were God heard them and took time to answer all these little worries that has tormented me for weeks now, and for that I am grateful.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
A jumble of thoughts
I have so many things on my mind lately. Yeah, I know your just dying to hear about all my problems in life! ;) So if you made it past that 2nd sentence, I will share with you some of my thought lately.
First the IN HIM 2012 music conference
This was the best year I have ever been to. To be honest, I didn't expect more than just the joy and fun of being able to sing with other people and to learn music related things. I am not big on solo-ing. I love the beautiful blending of voices in perfect harmony, being able to sing alto while the leads sing their part and as an alto I get to do all kind of different things, but at conference I was able to be a "Soprano" for the first time and used a part of my voice that I don't normally use. okay enough rambling.....the best part of the Music Conference was the spiritual encouragement, I have not been in a service where I felt God so close in a personal way in such a long time. I wouldn't have missed it for anything and it was worth going without sleep and the drive There and Home every night.
I watched and listened as a "group" got up and sang "Waiting In the Water" by the Isaacs a song that speaks of the promise of healing and walking on in faith even when that healing doesn't happen right away, and I cried. Because I knew that only the week before one of them had been in bed for a week, unable to move without pain due to an incurable kidney disease and the treatments to help the disease causing as much if not more pain. Yet they sang "I'll walk on and Just believe, He hears my prayer and when I get there, the miracle promised by my father......is waiting in the water"
I listened to a "family" sing about "Learning to Lean on Jesus" and knowing that in the past year, they have had to do that in ways they had never expected. And once again, I cried. I cried not only cause my heart broke at the trial they faced but, I cried at the humbling thought of how amazing God is, how in the weakest moments of our life, He provides the strength to make it through.
It struck me, as it has before that, as a congregation or average church goer who has never had to minister to others, or been brought up in a home where ministry was your or your parents life, sometimes we don't really understand what it costs the person who gets up and sings to you, We don't know the reason they can sing the song with such a brokeness or such a burden is because they have or are still going through the trials they are trying to encourage you through. Or the preacher who preaches the Bible and the why's and the how's of living a Christian life.
They are singing of a God who can heal, while their body is in pain, they are singing of a God that mends the broken heart when their own has been broken in two. They aren't just singing words or beautiful melodies they are singing their faith, they are saying to God, they believe he is working things for their good even when it seems impossible.
First the IN HIM 2012 music conference
This was the best year I have ever been to. To be honest, I didn't expect more than just the joy and fun of being able to sing with other people and to learn music related things. I am not big on solo-ing. I love the beautiful blending of voices in perfect harmony, being able to sing alto while the leads sing their part and as an alto I get to do all kind of different things, but at conference I was able to be a "Soprano" for the first time and used a part of my voice that I don't normally use. okay enough rambling.....the best part of the Music Conference was the spiritual encouragement, I have not been in a service where I felt God so close in a personal way in such a long time. I wouldn't have missed it for anything and it was worth going without sleep and the drive There and Home every night.
I watched and listened as a "group" got up and sang "Waiting In the Water" by the Isaacs a song that speaks of the promise of healing and walking on in faith even when that healing doesn't happen right away, and I cried. Because I knew that only the week before one of them had been in bed for a week, unable to move without pain due to an incurable kidney disease and the treatments to help the disease causing as much if not more pain. Yet they sang "I'll walk on and Just believe, He hears my prayer and when I get there, the miracle promised by my father......is waiting in the water"
I listened to a "family" sing about "Learning to Lean on Jesus" and knowing that in the past year, they have had to do that in ways they had never expected. And once again, I cried. I cried not only cause my heart broke at the trial they faced but, I cried at the humbling thought of how amazing God is, how in the weakest moments of our life, He provides the strength to make it through.
It struck me, as it has before that, as a congregation or average church goer who has never had to minister to others, or been brought up in a home where ministry was your or your parents life, sometimes we don't really understand what it costs the person who gets up and sings to you, We don't know the reason they can sing the song with such a brokeness or such a burden is because they have or are still going through the trials they are trying to encourage you through. Or the preacher who preaches the Bible and the why's and the how's of living a Christian life.
They are singing of a God who can heal, while their body is in pain, they are singing of a God that mends the broken heart when their own has been broken in two. They aren't just singing words or beautiful melodies they are singing their faith, they are saying to God, they believe he is working things for their good even when it seems impossible.
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